I apologize it’s been a few days since my last blog, but I’ve needed time to process everything from last week, and I had a busy weekend planned. Isn’t it funny how so often things we look forward to so much, don’t turn out as we expected and we often find ourselves disappointed? That’s what happened to me this weekend… at first. Now, looking at it, and spending some time reading my Ensign magazine this morning, I’m realizing that although the weekend didn’t go as I’d hoped, I learned a few valuable things that I might not have learned had the weekend gone as expected.
Before getting too far into a relationship with anyone, it’s vitally important to know a few things about them. Such as what things are set in stone in the person’s life, as well as what things they are passionate about. For example, some people are more content than others to just keep things the way they are. They love their home, their job, the state they live in and don’t have any desire to change any of these things. Others seem to perpetually be in a state of trying to find something better just around the corner. They aren’t married to their job, home, or state of residence, and have no qualms with moving somewhere for a new job, love interest, or just because they want to try/experience something new. Neither way of living is bad or better than another, it’s just a different perspective on life. But if you try to match up two people who are on either end of this spectrum, it could pose some problems. I found this out this weekend from someone who he and I were somewhat interested in each other, but glad we found this out now rather than down the road if we had become more involved.
Other things set in stone could include personal values and ideals one has about dating and marriage. Many people today believe living together before getting married is extremely important because how can you truly know someone, and whether you are compatible in all aspects of life if you don’t experience that first hand on a day by day basis? I agree there could be some value in this. However, my question is, isn’t this supporting a perfectionist ideal that will never happen, at least not in this life? If you’re looking for the perfect one, you’re never going to find them. So you’ll just wind up living with a bunch of people, maybe having babies out of wedlock, creating more complicated situations when the break up occurs as someone has to move out, etc.
I am a firm believer that it’s important to date someone for a sufficient amount of time to really get to know them. In a class I took, the teacher suggested it takes at least a year to really get to know someone, mostly because that’s how long it takes before someone completely lets their guard down around you. And I definitely agree. Both from my own experiences, and those of others, many (although not all) people who get married within a few months of meeting each other, wind up divorced. Especially if they are on their 2nd+ marriage. I also strongly believe that both people need to go into the marriage not thinking that, well, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced. Both people should have a more realistic approach. Such as, I know we’re going to have hard times, we’ll fight, we won’t always agree, we’ll get mad at each other, but, we love each other, and we will be patient, and work through whatever comes up… and most importantly, not give up! If both people are committed to doing whatever it takes to make their marriage work, even in the rough times, they can do it.
So you might ask, well, we should all be looking for the person who is set and committed to their home, job, and where they live, right? Because they’ll be more likely to stay loyal in a relationship? Here’s where things get tricky. Because, no, not always. And this is what can make dating and marriage so complicated. There is no set formula. There are no set prerequisites you can require from a future spouse. As an example, I’m the type of person who likes to constantly be moving forward with my life, and if that means moving to a different state, or staying right where I am, I’m okay with that. Yet, when it comes to relationships, I’m fiercely loyal and determined to work things out, perhaps because when I love someone, I give it my all, I put in 200% and need to find someone who does the same and doesn’t just throw in the towel when we hit the rapids. Yet I don’t believe that living with someone is a good idea. Not only from the reasons already mentioned, but also because my church leaders have strongly said that is not the way to go. While I may change my life paths often, and I may even sometimes lose my way, I always return back to the values and standards of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And that is set in stone for me.
I think sometimes we all may get beached though… or stuck in a rut. Or we may find ourselves drifting in the ocean, not able to find our destination. Continuously searching and searching, but we just can’t find what we’re looking for. So here’s where the passion comes in. We need to have values and standards we are passionate about. So that when we do find ourselves stuck or lost, we can turn back to things that set us back on the right course. For me, it’s the gospel of Jesus Christ. As I already mentioned, sometimes I do lose my way… usually when I try to do everything on my own, without asking for help or guidance. I may think that since my current way of doing things doesn’t seem to be working, maybe doing what the world suggests would bring me more happiness. Sometimes it’s because I think Heavenly Father is sick of trying to help me and wants me to figure things out on my own, which I believe is the case sometimes, and is something we all need to do. But sometimes I get going full speed ahead, and forget I still need Him, and that I can’t do everything alone. Because ultimately, while I’m trying to figure out which turn to take to find my knight, only Heavenly Father knows the right path through the maze to get me to him. And if I don’t listen, my knight and I will never meet, we could keep wondering around forever. Yes, I’m going to take some wrong turns, but as I do, I’ll learn more about myself, about life, and about Heavenly Father’s plan. Not only that, but when I do finally meet my knight, he’s going to receive a huge amount of appreciation from me, because it’s been a long hard journey to get to him.
What about you? Where are you at in your life right now? Are you holding true to your values and standards? Are you letting the world sway your resolve in doing what you believe is right? How about you future knight? Are you passionate about anything that brings you back safely to harbor when you get lost? If not, find that. Find what helps you to hold fast even when things are hard. Whether it’s a church, a friend, a certain belief system, we all need someone/something to anchor us in a safe place. Because let’s face it, the world can be a very confusing, contradictory place, easy to find ourselves lost and wondering what is right for me? For my family? For my future? To my future knight, know that I will never sway from my religion, values or beliefs. They are written on my heart. I do get distracted sometimes, but I always return to what I hold dear. And you know what, Heavenly Father loves all of us, and He won’t abandon us. He might let go of our bicycle for a bit and let us ride on our own, and even fall sometimes, but He’ll always be there to heal our skinned knees. Because He will always love us. And that is something set in stone.
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