I’m not sure about you guys, but I’ve been really moved reading the countless storiesgh media outlets and social media the past few days. This was truly one of those days that will remain in the history books for eons to come. I’ve had a lot of thoughts going through my head the past few days, and thought I’d get them out here before I explode.
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| Top of one of the towers |
September 11, 2001- started out like any other day. I got up to make breakfast for my son, who was 18 months old at the time, and my then husband before he went to work. I was unemployed and looking for work at the time, very stressed about finances. I also was thinking about trying to go back to school. In fact, my journal entry for September 10th said I was thinking about going to UVU for an Associates degree in communications, and then maybe I’d go to BYU to finish up a bachelor’s in Communications. I wrote, “Could you see me as a TV reporter or anchor?” Huh, I’d forgotten about that.
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| A piece from the Pentagon |
My next journal entry, the next day says in big red letters across the top, “AMERICA ATTACKED!” I wrote the following, “This is one of the most tragic days in American History. I’ve included a CNN report I got on-line this morning. To think that as (my ex) was leaving for work thus morning, at 6:45, I woke up and had a brief weird feeling. At that moment, a hijacked plane was crashing into one of the World Trade Towers in NY.” Occasionally, I’d turn on the TV news in the morning, and for some reason, I decided to that morning and was shocked by what I saw. I saw the towers collapse. I sat glued to the TV most of the day, hoping DS would stay occupied with his toys. But by that evening, I was sick of watching those planes crash into the towers over and over, and seeing the destruction at the Pentagon. So after dinner, I packed us up and we went to a local park. I’d never before, nor have I seen since, a park as crowded as it was that night. I guess everyone else had the same idea I did.
I remember since then feeling such a strong sense of patriotism and being so grateful that despite this tragedy, I live in America. A couple of weeks later, I woke up one morning thinking I should join the Air Force. This wasn’t the first time I wanted to do this. But this time, I really wanted to feel like I was doing my part to serve and protect our country. I did all the paper work to become an enlisted air woman, and my ex decided he wanted to go the officer route. We had the support from his family to care for DS while we would be in boot camp. My ex found out he couldn’t join because of his poor eye sight in his one eye (he has a glass eye in the other). But I decided to go ahead and join, despite a lot of reservations about whether I could even handle boot camp emotionally, mentally, and physically.
The next time I wrote in my journal was almost a month later, ironically exactly 2 years to the day of when my daughter would be born. Most of the entry was sharing my frustration because everyone had turned against me in my desire to join the Air Force, so I had dropped it. My ex didn’t want to follow me around; his mom told me I shouldn’t do it. I was frustrated because it was okay for him to join the military, but not me. That drove a huge wedge in our marriage that was already a small crevice and it just never got better.
That was the third time I tried to join the Air Force. Since then, that desire has never left. Part of it has always been wanting to prove that I could do it, that I’m tough enough. But part of it has been the desire to feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. Doing my part to protect my family when so many others are risking their lives. Before I started grad school, I looked into the military again, but decided to go back to school instead. And since doing my internship at the Department of Defense, joining the military has gain come to the forefront of my mind. The following is something I wrote for our school newspaper, which I think will be published tomorrow.
”I'm sure everyone can say, "I remember exactly what I was doing on 9/11". But equally etched in my mind is seeing the evidence of 9/11, nearly 10 years later, still a prominent part of life and culture of Washington D.C. I spent 10 weeks this summer as an intern at the Pentagon working in the Department of Defense. There is a beautiful memorial outside the pentagon, at the location where the plane crashed. Inside, there are quilts hanging along the walls, many made by school children; pieces of the walls from 9/11; quotes; and pictures of those who died in the plane and in the Pentagon. I heard first and second-hand stories from people who were actually there when it happened. People who had to crawl out of an eating area, holding onto each other, because there was no power and the area was so thick with smoke that no one could see anything. Actually being there, seeing how it had affected people, and how it still affects them, makes it much more real to me now.
Not only that, but interacting with military personnel on a daily basis reminded me that these men and women are real people with real lives and families. They sacrifice so much to fight in Afghanistan. I met veterans who were injured in Iraq, some very severely. But they are still fighting in a different way- in the Pentagon or various jobs around the country- to keep us safe. And not once did I hear any service member or former service member complain about missing out on seeing their kids grow up, or about the PTSD and radiation poisoning they are still suffering from six years later.
We all remember watching those planes fly into the twin towers on TV- they are forever etched in our minds. But do we remember what we learned on that day? Do we remember what is really important in life? Seeing the memorials in D.C. and interacting with so many who serve us in this country reminded me how blessed we are in America. We are surrounded by unselfish people who put their lives at risk so you and I can go to school in peace. If that's not being Christlike, I don't know what is. Over 10 weeks I grew to love, honor, and respect not only those I worked with this summer, but also those whose pictures and stories are displayed in places like the Newseum and the Pentagon- those who didn't survive, but who will always be remembered. And I will never again take for granted those serving in the United States Armed Forces.
To all our men and women in uniform, and all the families and friends who have sacrificed a loved one, I say, thank you. I know it will never be enough, but I'll keep saying it and trying to serve my country in my own way to honor those who sacrificed their all.”
Not only that, but interacting with military personnel on a daily basis reminded me that these men and women are real people with real lives and families. They sacrifice so much to fight in Afghanistan. I met veterans who were injured in Iraq, some very severely. But they are still fighting in a different way- in the Pentagon or various jobs around the country- to keep us safe. And not once did I hear any service member or former service member complain about missing out on seeing their kids grow up, or about the PTSD and radiation poisoning they are still suffering from six years later.
We all remember watching those planes fly into the twin towers on TV- they are forever etched in our minds. But do we remember what we learned on that day? Do we remember what is really important in life? Seeing the memorials in D.C. and interacting with so many who serve us in this country reminded me how blessed we are in America. We are surrounded by unselfish people who put their lives at risk so you and I can go to school in peace. If that's not being Christlike, I don't know what is. Over 10 weeks I grew to love, honor, and respect not only those I worked with this summer, but also those whose pictures and stories are displayed in places like the Newseum and the Pentagon- those who didn't survive, but who will always be remembered. And I will never again take for granted those serving in the United States Armed Forces.
To all our men and women in uniform, and all the families and friends who have sacrificed a loved one, I say, thank you. I know it will never be enough, but I'll keep saying it and trying to serve my country in my own way to honor those who sacrificed their all.”
I don’t know yet what path my life will take. I’m very seriously considering joining the reserves. It’s a dream I’ve had for quite a few years now. But it’s one option among many as I have to decide what is best for my kids. Am I willing to sacrifice my life for their freedom? Am I okay knowing they would have to live with their dad full time for a while- or worst case scenario- forever? However, if I look on the bright side of things, I honestly don’t see myself dying anytime soon. You know how some people can feel it coming? Or they can’t picture their life in the future, and then they die? I’ve always felt very strongly I’d die from cancer much, much later in life.
Then there are also many other options I’m considering and maybe one of those will be better. As I’ve watched the coverage on TV, every time I see the Pentagon, I am reminded of the amazing experience I had there this summer, and tears start forming because I miss DC. I miss the people, I miss my work, I miss feeling like I’m a part of something so much bigger, and like I’m making a difference. It has been making it hard for me to stay focused on school as I’m so ready to finish and move forward with my life, and to do something where I feel like I’m making a positive impact.
