Today is the least favorite holiday of my mother. On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about going all out to find the perfect present. But on the other, it makes it somewhat difficult to show my appreciation. So I just try to remind myself to tell her more than just on Mothers’ Day.
As is typical in most homes, dad was the fun playful one when I was growing up while mom tried to teach me how to keep house and do all the motherly things. She tried tirelessly to teach me to sew, but alas, I just didn’t have the patience for it as she did. I wanted to be outside playing instead. Mom wasn’t as open about sharing her feelings and emotions as my dad was. But there were special things she did to tell me she loved me. Once, she wrote me a beautiful letter expressing how proud she was of me and all my accomplishments. Ever the writer, this letter meant a lot to me, and I still have it tucked away somewhere. Mom took me to softball games, church activities (a 30 minute drive), countless shopping trips for the perfect pair of shoes, numberless trips to the library and used book store, and the occasional trip to the outlet mall. She let me use her car when I turned 16 and got a job, but didn’t have a car yet. She came to all my music performances, helped me get ready for camp, and helped put cream on my sunburned back one summer… just before I passed out on the bathroom floor. She took care of me when I was sick, picked little rocks out of my knee when I fell and skinned it good one time, and took me to the hospital to have my finger drained when it swelled up like a baseball the minute she took off the band aid the school nurse put on it (I’d fallen after hanging upside on one of those domed-shaped jungle gyms on the playground and jammed my finger. It wasn’t broken, but it was cool when the nail fell off a few months later).
I’m grateful for my mom’s example of keeping a clean house and staying on top of laundry. I now find myself making sure my daughter sits with her knees together, just as my mom always told me. But ever finding little ways to be rebellious, I still lick my fingers sometimes and I now have more than three cookies at a time because I’m a grown-up now and she said I could have as many at once as I wanted when I was a grown-up.
I do some things similar to my mom, and some things different. And that’s okay. Because no mom is perfect, and I think we all hope to learn from our moms not just what things we want to emulate, but also what we want to improve. I try really hard to not just teach my kids how to care for themselves, to cook, and clean, but also try to make sure we have fun as well. I verbalize my love and appreciation to them often, in addition to writing them little notes I sometimes put in their lunch box or suitcase for a weekend at dad’s.
My mom isn’t the only one who has inspired me to be better. For all of the bad things, I can credit my ex for some good things as well. There was one day when our son was a toddler, we came home from church and my blood sugar had dropped. I was shaking and needed to eat something (I sometimes have trouble with hypoglycemia). I quickly made myself something, and then got some lunch for ds. My ex reprimanded me for this, asking something to the effect of what kind of mother puts their own needs ahead of her child’s? Not a good one! Ever since then, I have never fixed my own food before my children (unless I’m up much earlier in the morning). And I always think about my kids’ needs before my own. My going back to school for my Master’s degree is in large part to allow me opportunities for better paying jobs so I can save sufficient funds for my kids’ college and missions for our church. I know these expenses will be knocking on my door before I know it. And since I can’t count on their dad to help support these adventures, nor do I have any idea when my knight will enter my life, I need to prepare as much as possible on my own.
Moms come in all varieties, and from every walk of life. Mom examples can come from anyone, not just your birth mother. I’ll never forget the first time I got my period. I was at a church girls’ camp and was living in a cabin with about 11 other girls. Our leader slept in a separate area of the cabin. We all shared one big bathroom. When I went to the bathroom one day, I got a big surprise, but figuring I knew everything there was to know about that time of the month, I put on a panty liner and figured I was good to go. Well, a little bit later, a felt a little uncomfortable down there, went to the bathroom, and started freaking out when I saw all the blood. I had no idea there would be that much!!! With tears streaming down my face, and feeling incredibly embarrassed, I went to my leader and told her what happened. She put her arm around me and took me to her secret stash of feminine hygiene products for just such an emergency. I don’t remember anything she said, but I do remember feeling loved and cared about in my time of need. My leader got a lot of practice that week… as a few other girls started their period for the first time, and a few girls who had already experienced it before started too… and hadn’t brought any supplies with them. Looking back, I feel really sorry for my leader… a cabin full of hormonal teen girls. Lol. But she did teach me that you don’t have to be a mother to your own flesh and blood. Everyone needs to feel loved, and women are highly qualified for the job. So whether it’s your best friend’s daughter, your step-daughter, your niece, or the little girl next door, don’t be afraid to show some love.
I’ve also learned great examples of being a single mom… both good and bad… from many women I’ve come into contact with. Not only that, but I know someday I could be a step-mom if my knight has any children, something which both scares and excites me. From everything I’ve read, being a step-parent entails a very delicate balance of not trying to take the birth parent’s place, but not showing favoritism and loving your step children as your own… something I am determined to be successful at. Yet, I know I’m not perfect and I’ll make mistakes. I do make sure my kids always know how much I love them. And I always say sorry when I have said or done something wrong. My ex wasn’t very tolerant of my parenting mishaps, which really wasn’t necessary as I’m very hard on myself anyway. So to my future knight, I ask that you be patient, understanding, and not too harsh and critical of me when I do mess up. And make sure you let me know what an awesome mom I am. My kids do. They let me know on a regular basis, and gave me the cutest cards today telling me so.
Happy Mothers’ Day everyone! Dedicated to all the imperfect moms who try their best to make sure their children are loved. Just take things one day at a time, and know that the little things you do are important… both for your children, and in setting a good example for other mom’s to follow. Thank you to my mom and all the other moms who have influenced my life.
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