Welcome to my first Swim, Bike, Run, Pray episode for 2016!
I had a plan for this race. Don’t run too fast, keep my
heart rate in zone 2 (149-159 bpm), and just enjoy the journey. This meant I’d
probably be running around an 11 minute/mile pace, but I was ok with that. I
just wanted to enjoy the race! My A race is St. George Half Ironman, so this
race was just to warm up my race-brain.
I laid out my plan to a friend, full of excitement for the
start of my race season. They commented, man, you’ve been training so much, I
bet you could do 8:50/min miles on the way out and 9:10/minute miles on the way
back. You could break that 2 hour barrier!
I replied that I hadn’t been training that fast for longer
distances. Sure I could do a 7:50 pace for three minute intervals. But to keep
my heart rate low, I had to run slower. And if my heart rate got too high, I
didn’t think I’d enjoy the race.
As I toed the line, my head was already racing. Did I have
it in me to go that fast for that long, especially when I wasn’t training that
fast? Sure, I’d put in the time, but not that pacing. Was it all just in my
head? Was I holding myself back by simply not believing in myself? Was my fast
heart rate in my head? Or my belief that I couldn’t run faster longer when my
heart rate was 180+? Was it my lack of mental strength that held me back? I
really began doubting myself, my abilities, my mental strength, and my plan for
this race.
Off we went. Very quickly, my heart rate got up to 170, even
going about a 10:30 pace. I kept trying to dial it down, but the competitive
spirit in me didn’t want my time to be too slow. Two miles in, I was already
feeling tired, and my heart kept inching up to 180. At around 3 miles, I passed
a few people who had started out too fast, and I figured, okay if I can keep
this pace, around 10 minute miles, I’ll be just fine. But now my heart was
inching closer to 190.
I consciously tried to keep giving myself a little nutrition
along the way, more often than I have during training. I’d even had plenty of
fuel in the few hours leading up to the race. I was hoping to keep my energy
levels up, which I still struggle with in longer races. But 5 miles in, I knew
this would be no pr for me. I was tired. And even trying to slow down to an 11+
min pace didn’t slow my heart down below about 177. What was wrong with me?
The week before, I’d run 11 miles at just under an 11 min
pace while keeping my hr in zone 2. Piece of cake. Earlier in the week, Garmin
told me I achieved a V02 Max of 43 during a training run. It was a brick run
where I ran a sub 10:30 pace for 30 minutes following an hour 15 min bike and
for the first time ever, felt like the run was easy as pie. Why I couldn’t I do
that now?
I tried everything I could think of to force out the negative
voices in my head. I listened intently to my music, tried to keep up or catch
up with the runners in front of me, enjoyed the frogs and crickets I heard
along various sections of the trail. I looked around my surroundings. Thought
about how grateful I was that I could run a half marathon in the first place.
No matter how hard I tried, the pre-race conversation kept creeping
back and I got more tired, and more defeated. The last 2 miles were really
hard. My quads were burning, feet and hamstrings hurting, and I began the
jog/walk cycle. I was done. I failed to accomplish my race goals – both my
original plan, and the new plan my buddy was certain I could achieve.
When I crossed the finish line, I made the decision to not
be mad, but to take responsibility for myself and the fact that I let someone
else’s comments make me doubt my plan. Regardless of what I can or can’t do,
whether it’s mental weakness, or physical limitations, I have to do what I feel
good about. No one else lives inside my body. Or my head. The past few months
have been difficult for me – both in the sleep department and the depression
department. I need to be celebrating the fact that I’m still alive. I’m 37
years old now, a size 4 or 6, and running a half marathon. I’m training for a
Half Ironman. Many women my age are experiencing more health problems, are a
size 14, and couldn’t even run a 5k.
Positive things from the race:
1. My heart rate strap, which can sometimes cut my
skin, didn’t irritate it at all.
2. No blisters… and it was my longest run in my new
Altra Intuition 3.5s, which I’d been breaking in for a few weeks.
3. The weather was really nice for early March in
Utah… and I was spending time outside, which is where I’d rather be almost
anytime.
Gospel parallels:
1. At times during my race, I felt a brief surge of
energy. Those times were awesome and made me feel happy. But overall, I felt
weak, tired, and downtrodden. Eating something kept me going during the tough
times.
a. During life, we have surges of energy when we
feel happy, strong, and confident. Those don’t always last a long time. More
often than not, we might feel tired, weak, and overwhelmed. So we have to keep
nourishing our spirits, our physical bodies, and our minds. Regular spiritual
worship, self care, healthy foods, and engaging in learning opportunities are
all important things to keep us going. They may not make us feel immediately stronger
or better, but it adds up over time. And if we don’t do those things, just like
in the race, if I didn’t eat anything or drink anything, I know I would be much
more tired, sick, and it would take longer to recover.
2. When I was about a half mile from the finish
line, I could make out the cars in the parking lot where I knew the finish line
was, but I couldn’t see the finish line. I really wanted to just walk the rest
of the way, but I knew it would take that much longer to finish. I’d be
prolonging my misery. So even though my legs were so tired, I just kept
shuffling along.
a. When we’re experiencing a trial, we may be able
to see that we’re near the end, but we can’t see the end of it. It’s hard to
keep pushing on. Yea, we’re almost there, and maybe we can just take it easy,
but it’ll take that much longer, and be more miserable if we delay. Sometimes
we delay our progress by thinking we can do it on our own. I mean, how much
faster would I have gone if my coach or hubby or kids were there cheering
encouragingly for me that last half mile? Probably a lot faster. Talk to
people. Let them know what you’re going through, even if the trial is almost over.
There are people who love you and want to see you succeed. Most of all, call on
our Father in Heaven. More than anyone, He knows the struggle you’ve been
through. He, and our advocate, Jesus Christ, get it. They know how hard it is,
and they love us so much. They don’t want to see us in pain, and they are
there, ready to help us through it. Even if they don’t speed up the process, they’ll
help us carry the burden until the trial is over. All we have to do is ask.
My final parting words for this entry are, don’t give up.
Stick with your plan, and then re-evaluate afterwards. Things are going to be
harder than you thought they would sometimes, but don’t quit. You may have to
adjust your long-term goals. But learn from the short-term experiences that
will ultimately build to where you need to be in life.
Have a good week!
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