Stroke, stroke, kick, kick… deep breath

I have no idea how many thousands of meters I’ve swam since I first started learning how to swim last September. I also probably couldn’t count the thousands of times I’ve had to stop and start over, the number of times I’ve choked on water, and the frustratingly humongous number of times I’ve tried to get the same technique down.

I know there are tons of swimming analogies out there. Like trying not to drown in troubled waters, and having faith to walk on water (if you figure that one out, by the way, please let me know the secret). I’ve come upon my own analogy this week. That of making mistakes, second chances and forgiveness.

Swimming is a whole new world to me. Just like Aladdin knew there was a palace, lots of food, people with manners, and knew there was a princess, I knew there was this world of swimming. I knew that somehow, people managed to stroke and kick from one end of the pool to another… without drowning! Also like Aladdin, who didn’t know how in the world to be a prince, I had no idea how to stay afloat in the water without sinking. But I knew it was possible.

As I started learning how to swim, I began to see it was a matter of precise combinations of stroking, kicking and breathing that kept one from merely thrashing around pitifully – even in the kiddie pool. I’ve watched countless videos. I’ve listened to my coach and others provide advice on technique to help me easily glide through the water (yeah, still working on that). But sometimes, I just feel like I keep making mistakes. Sometimes, it’s the same mistakes over and over.

Now for the analogy part. I’ve learned swimming for me is also a lot like relationships. No one has a perfect family growing up. Every family has problems. But there are plenty of things we need to work on, and make better from the family we grew up in, if we want to have successful relationships. Unfortunately this week, I made the same mistake again. I’ve had the experience of being with someone in the past who wasn’t good about speaking up when I made the same mistake again, nor were they adept at forgiving and forgetting – or encouraging me on making the appropriate changes. There were, however, a master at holding a grudge. That grudge festered until one day, they exploded. And by then, it was too late to fix anything. I never got a second chance. I didn’t realize what I was doing wrong, and I kept making the same mistake.

It hit me hard today how amazing it would be if I could get a second chance. Like Pinocchio or Snow White on Sunday’s episode of Once Upon a Time. They both made mistakes. Unfortunately for Pinocchio, he didn’t fix it until it was too late. Snow White on the other hand, had people who loved her, didn’t give up on her, and encouraged her. And by the end, she realized she could change.

As I was feeling down on myself, it hit me – how many times have I withheld forgiveness from someone? How often have I made someone feel worse, especially when it was just an honest mistake? In my first triathlon, I accidentally grabbed someone’s foot, and someone else did to me. It wasn’t on purpose. I’ve been trying so hard at swimming, and at relationships. But I’m going to make mistakes.

When someone says, all I want is for someone to accept me for who I am… I realized that what they are really asking for is forgiveness. Because we all make mistakes. How much easier would it be if we knew that someone wasn’t going to abandon us when we made an honest mistake, that they would give us the benefit of the doubt, and they would give us another chance.

The water can be forgiving. It won’t give us a black eye or a broken heart – and if we know how, we can lay there and float while we catch our breath. But water can drown us. And sometimes we might feel like we’re drowning in mistakes. So what I’ve learned this week is this – the next time someone says to me I’m sorry or I just want you to accept me for who I am, I’m going to do what I hope they would do for me – remember that they are trying their hardest to improve their technique, but they’re going to make mistakes sometimes. And then I can forgive them. And just love them. I pray they will not give up on me, will keep encouraging me, forgive me, and not abandon me. Aladdin finally figured it out, and hopefully I have too – before it’s too late.