Stop waiting for the perfect day – because that’s today

This weekend marks the two year anniversary of Don Queco’s death. Besides the usual looking back I’ve also had many reminders this week about death and cherishing every day with those you love. Maybe it’s because it’s been on my mind, so I’ve been more sensitive to it. Or maybe because I still have much to learn. Probably both.

My thoughts today stem mostly from a talk given by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. His talk last October was titled “Of Regrets and Resolutions”. My thoughts also come from my most recent race – my first Duathlon last weekend in St. George.

My entire life has been made up of getting to the next check point. I’ve looked forward to so many milestones – graduations, marriage, kids, jobs, dates, races, parties, vacations… the list goes on. But as someone recently pointed out to me, after experiencing one of these happy, joyous times, the next day my emotions take a nose-dive. And often in the past, I haven’t really enjoyed those great events because I was already looking towards the next great thing.

During my relationship with Don Queco, I was constantly focused on having hope and faith in the day when he would realize how awesome and amazing I was and decide he wanted to be with me forever. That often meant I didn’t fully capture the beauty, good emotions, and little miracles on amazing days. Only after, looking back, did I fully comprehend the preciousness of so many moments with him.

During almost all of my races last year, I did the same thing. I was always so focused on just making it to the finish line that I didn’t take time to ponder what I was experiencing. I didn’t enjoy all the great scenery. I didn’t marvel at the fact that my body was capable of making everything work together so I could run faster and for longer distances. What a miracle!

Elder Uchtdorf encouraged everyone to focus on today. Don’t miss out on what you are experiencing right now, at the little miracles and blessings in your life. Many people close to death say their biggest regret was not spending enough time with those they loved. I believe many of us spend the time we need with loved ones, but we are so distracted by the next big thing, that we don’t fully enjoy the time we have right now.
In St. George, I had plenty of time to think on the 3 mile run, 24 mile bike ride, and second 3 mile run. I constantly reminded myself to look up and view the beautiful rock formations along the Utah/Arizona border. I told myself not to worry about what place I finished in, or how fast I went, or whether I could catch back up with Kermit. I instead reminded myself that I was doing this! And you know what, even though I experienced pain and fatigue, after the race I was proud of myself and what I had accomplished, and so happy that I had experienced this. That attitude made the rest of my weekend so relaxed and enjoyable. I know I’ll look back on that weekend with fondness for many years.

Another thought that has been very prevalent with me lately is a theme I have brought up before – that of moving forward and making those decisions that you know are right, even when you are scared or don’t see how things will work out (at least work out smoothly). I have had countless reminders thrown at me this week that this life can be over before we know it. Some of us, like in the duathlon, are only doing sprints. Others are going Olympic distances. And there are others we can’t see that are going for the all-out full Ironman distance. The thing is, unlike training for a race, none of us knows which distance we are going. If you wait to make those good decisions, it may be too late.

I become really impatient at times when I know what I want, but can’t pursue it. Because I know life can end, just like that. I experienced it with Don Queco’s death. And I don’t want to waste a moment. I’m often reminded to be patient. But the truth is, I have been patient for a very long time. I’ve gone up and down many hills, just like in my duathlon. I’ve had gusts of wind come up and knock me flat on my face, just like I almost did flying down a hill on my bike. I’ve had to go long distances on bumpy, uncomfortable roads, just like on the highway on the bike ride. And, I’ve missed turns sometimes and had to turn around and go back – just like the first turn I missed on the first bike loop.

I have waited a long time and gone through much to get to where I am today. And I don’t want to waste any more days. It’s true that I’m doing a lot better at enjoying each new memory we’re creating. I’m learning to cherish every beautiful moment I spend with those I love. But there is something I want more than anything that I’ve been waiting a very long time for, and this is probably the biggest test my patience has gone through for a long time. Because I don’t know when my race will end. My heart could freak out at any time – and it could be my last day. And I don’t want to miss any opportunities to make more amazing memories. Because that’s all I have left of Don Queco, and I cherish those so much. They remind me of all the good things, not the bad. They remind me of how far I’ve come in life since then.

If someone else I loved were to pass away, or if my race ended today, I want to make sure we don’t miss any opportunities to make wonderful memories to look back on someday.