How far you’ve come, not how far you have to go

I can remember milling about after finishing the American Fork Canyon 5k back in June, watching all the half marathon runners cross the finish line. I kept thinking, “Wow, 13.1 miles, there is no way I could ever do that. I did horrible at this 5k (I had an average 10:16 mile that day), there is just no way I’d ever be able to run for 13 miles! That’s crazy.” But as I watched them, I noticed something. They came in all shapes, sizes, ages, and both males and females. I could tell which ones were serious runners by their fancy running clothes. But there were plenty who looked like they hadn’t been doing this long, were kinda out of shape, and obviously didn’t know what to wear/eat on a longer distance run.

That was a mere 4.5 months ago. I realize now I had no idea what I was talking about. Two 5k races does not make one an expert. And having never considered myself an athlete, I didn’t really have any background to base my opinions on. After all the races I’ve been to since then, and all the people I’ve met, I’ve realized there really is no status quo when it comes to running- and even more so when it comes to triathlons. It’s more about overcoming personal challenges, and learning how to keep going no matter how tired you think you are. Because in reality, you can always go just a little further, and a little further…

Since starting on my quest to gain mental toughness, I’ve realized it’s about as hard as I thought it would be. And I learned I have a tendency to focus on how far I still have to go rather than how far I’ve come. This really brings me down. But just looking at the spreadsheet I’ve been keeping, my last two 5k’s were under a 9 minute average mile and I now have not one, but two half marathons under my belt. The first, the Pink Half in Park City was a 10:20 average mile, and the second, the Provo Halloween Half was a 9:47 average mile. Less than 5 months ago, I thought there was no way I could do a half marathon. But I did it! Twice! And I’ve shaved off a minute and a half per mile from my 5k time.

You may be asking how my swimming is coming along. Overcoming that childhood fear has been the hardest mental challenge yet. I think I’ve driven home from tri class crying more often than not- frustrated at my slow progress and worried I wouldn’t be even close to being ready for my first triathlon. Still, I’ve gotten up at 5AM many times, headed to the gym, and struggled through countless laps- each with a break between- even after only 25 meters. I kept asking myself, how in the world am I going to swim 350 meters on November 10^th for the Turkey Triathlon and 750 meters on December 2^nd at the HITS sprint triathlon in Palm Springs when I can’t even make it 25 meters without stopping?

Mother Nature was looking out for me this weekend. Knowing I wasn’t feeling prepared, she brought an early humongous snow storm and race organizers had to cancel the bike portion of today’s triathlon. On the one hand, I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t speed off on my brand new Cannondale Slice all carbon tri bike (which I have named Oscar Cannondale, since it is green in places. I am now in a relationship with him on Facebook). But, I knew I’d be tired by the time I got to the swim portion, as this was a reverse triathlon, so by cutting the bike out, I could hopefully save some energy for the swim. But I have to say, after doing 10 burpees and 20 air squats, I was breathing pretty hard (they substituted that plus another half mile run around the track for the bike).

Walking through the course before the race, my toes turned numb and I wondered how in the world I’d strip down to my tri suit, run barefoot across frozen grass and concrete (the organizers made a great little path through the snow for us) and jump right into the pool (it was indoor) for a swim I knew I wasn’t ready for yet. My only consolation was that at least I wasn’t one of the women in a skimpy one piece bathing suit. Or that guy running the race in 25 degree temps in a speedo. Although I have to say the guy who had little stuffed animals pinned all over his sweatshirt was the best. 

I tried to push the swim part out of my head as we lined up for the run portion. Determined to enjoy this race, and not walk away from it angry at myself because I hadn’t stopped to just enjoy what I was doing, I instead focused on all the snow covered trees and houses as I passed. It felt like Christmastime. And I found myself really enjoying it. I also had a nice view of Kermit running in front of me. Although he tried to pull ahead, he was never too far away. 

The whole time, I just kept telling myself to do my best and to not worry about the rest. As expected, the swim was really hard. I had to pause and catch my breath after every 50 meter lap. Tons of people passed me. I got really down and it was hard to keep trying to swim. I was so tired already, and I think I doggy paddled and swam on my back more than anything. But after the first couple of laps, Kermit was there at the side cheering for me. And I knew somewhere in the observation area, my kids were up there cheering for me too, even if they couldn’t see me for all of the steam. That helped a lot. And I just kept telling myself that 6 weeks ago, I couldn’t swim at all. And now I was doing my first triathlon.

I heaved myself out of the pool and on wobbly legs tried to go as fast as I could to cross the finish line. It took a few minutes of gulping in air before I could talk. But I had done it. I did my first swim in a race. Wow.

My times weren’t too great today, and I finished in 10^th place out of 12 or 13 in my division. And I have a triathlon in three weeks that will be my first open water swim and will be even further- a 750 meter swim. But look at all I’ve accomplished in such a short time. This past year, I can look back and list quite a few accomplishments. I finished my Master’s degree, got an awesome job I love, ran my first 5k race, 10k race, half marathon, and triathlon. I have been smashing personal records and overcoming things that have always been difficult for me. 

So now that I have a half Ironman and Ironman coming up in the next year, as we’ve decided I’ll be ready for Cozumel Mexico Ironman next November, I’m determined to focus not on how far I have to go but on how far I’ve come. And more than that, I’m determined to enjoy each new race experience as I continue on this journey. Otherwise, why am I really doing this?