I struggled writing today’s post. Saturday’s elation at
finishing an extremely difficult race, made harder by the weather, was quickly
replaced yesterday with self-recrimination and sadness. Not quite as bad as
I’ve experienced with past races, but it’s still there.
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| Me with dad, hubby, and kids just before race start |
On the one hand, the fact I even finished is a miracle. So
many things went wrong during my race, that I’m amazed I kept going. About 700 athletes didn't finish. On the
other hand, I’ve had two main thoughts going through my head:
1. It was so incredibly disheartening to get passed by so many
people on the bike. They flew past me on the hills like it was no big deal,
from the first big one, referred to as Nemesis, to the last one in Snow Canyon.
Meanwhile, I barely inched along, had to stop multiple times for various
reasons, and took a lot longer than I’d planned. I just can’t describe how much
that affected me mentally. I felt like all that training, all the hours I put
in for 5 months, was for nothing.
2. Everyone has been telling me and posting about how proud
they are of me, of how awesome I did, etc. But I don’t think I earned it at all.
I was one of the last ones out there from my triathlon club. I put in so much
time and effort. My physical game was totally off.
Despite all of this, I pushed through the race and finished.
It took me 8 hours and 10 minutes, but I didn’t give up. Even though I wanted
to multiple times on the bike. And if there’s one thing that came through loud
and clear, it was that prayer works. So in an effort to push out all the
nastiness that’s been fighting its way to the forefront of my mind, here are
the top 10 good things that happened during Ironman 70.3 St. George.
1. It’s obvious I’ve come a long way with my swimming. Despite
the waves, the cold water, the athletes swimming right into me who weren’t
sighting at all, and the kayaks I had to dodge that were trying to help people,
I was like a fish! Other than some
nausea, I felt great on the swim, enjoyed it even. Sometimes I almost laughed
when the waves rolled around me like I was on a water bed. And when it started
raining, it smelled so good (unlike the gas smell from the boats, yuck). The
water is so pretty, even when it’s raining. I think the swim was actually my
favorite part of the day. I couldn’t say that 3 years ago!
2. Although my chain came off twice while trying to switch
between the big and small rings, I didn’t get a flat tire or lose a water
bottle. Plenty of people did.
3. I noticed that my nausea went away after I used Base Salt,
which I’d forgotten about until about mile 28 of the bike. That and I realized
that I’d been so stressed about my chain coming off again, I was in knots
inside. But, I’d gotten it unstuck twice already, so I could do it again if I
needed to. That relieved a lot of stress.
4. All the positive thoughts and sayings I’ve been flooding my
brain with the past few months finally paid off. I had multiple things to think
about to push out the negative thoughts every time one came in. I don’t think I
could list them all here if I tried. Different phrases popped into my head at
different times that seemed to be exactly what I needed at that time. Probably
the most helpful was, just go another mile and see how you feel. Then, this hill will be over soon. Followed by
one from our team pep talk before the race: this is your moment; you get to
choose what you do next. I chose to keep going.
5. The volunteers were amazing. From the guy who helped steady
my bike at the last aid station before Snow Canyon (I was shivering so bad I
couldn’t keep it steady to hoist my leg over and get going. He even gave me a
little push.), to the lady in T2 who helped dry my feet and put my dry socks on
because my hands weren’t working they were so frozen, to the great volunteers
at the run aid stations who had funny signs, called me by name, and cheered me
on.
6. I don’t know how I made it down from Snow Canyon. Because of
the cold rain and wind, half of each foot was frozen, my hands were so stiff I
couldn’t shift into my big ring so I had to coast down to T2, my right calf
started spasming uncontrollably, and my bike was wobbling dangerously – not
from the speed-generated wind, but because my entire body started shaking from
being so cold. In addition, my arms and shoulders locked up from the cold, so I
couldn’t move very well from aero to a more upright position without risking a
fall, but I had to use my breaks, so I did it, but almost lost it, and then my
water-logged breaks didn’t even work that well. For all intents and purposes,
it’s a
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| Coming into T2, trying not to cry |
7. One of the things I told myself was, this can’t be like
Cozumel, you have to finish this bike so you can go on the run. The run will
warm you up and you’ll feel better. It’s your favorite part of the race, and
you don’t want to miss it! Again! And I was right. I felt a lot better about a
mile into the run. That combined with getting more nutrition and water into me,
the comradery from my tri club mates, and my awesome husband who chased me
around on the course, made for a good experience for the last third of the tri.
Despite a blood sugar drop about mile 7 and GI issues from mile 9 to the end
that slowed me down significantly. And more cold wind.
8. I didn’t feel as sore after the race as I have after other
races – and this was a really tough course. Today I’m barely sore at all – the worst
is the wetsuit hickey on my neck.
9. Men, you may want to skip ahead to #10. This may seem like a
small thing, but the women in the audience will appreciate it. I’m always
super regular, and Aunt Flow was scheduled to start two days before the race. One
more thing to worry about. But, miracle upon miracles, she went on a little
vacation and came four days late. Happy dance that I didn’t have to deal with
that on race day too!
10. Finally, prayer works. After I crossed the finish line,
there were so many friends there who cheered for me and congratulated me. One
in particular came up to me and said after she’d seen me standing on the side
of the road in Snow Canyon, and seeing how down I looked, she started to cry
and pray like crazy for me. She continued to worry and pray for me, hoping I
pushed through and finished, because she said she’d known if I could make it to
the run, I’d finish the race. And she was right – when she saw me coming into
T2 as she headed out on the run, she finally relaxed, knowing I
Just like in the race, we have so many people running with
us who are cheering us on in life. They may be faster or slower than us. They
may be going in opposite directions sometimes. We may only get brief glances of
them, or a little smile or thumbs up. Sometimes, they might not acknowledge us,
even when we need it, because they are in pain too. But that doesn’t mean they
don’t care. Then sometimes, we’ll get a huge “Go Mandy, you’ve got this, you’re
awesome!”
How many of our friends and family who have passed away are
worried and praying for us? They know if we can just make it to our “run”, then
we’ll finish our race. Won’t it be amazing to see them all again when we cross
the finish line? To feel their love for us, their excitement that we did it, no
matter how slow we were, or how many times we messed up and had to stop and try
again?
Friends and loved ones, whether alive or dead, didn’t care
that I took an hour and 10 minutes longer then I’d planned, or that I didn’t
time my nutrition well, even though I’d planned to. They didn’t care I had black
grease on my hands from fixing my chain, or who knows how many germs from
multiple stops at the port-a-potties. They didn’t care I had to stop so many
times, that I had to ask for help, or that I had to walk up a hill with my bike
when I felt I couldn’t pedal one more stroke. All they cared about was that I
faced the cold, the rain, the wind, and the depression, and I finished the
race. It was enough.
One final note. While I appreciated all the support from
friends and family on race day, it really came down to one thing – me making
the decision to finish the race. I had to put in the preparation. I couldn’t
depend on anyone to make me finish, I had to decide
to do that. And if that isn’t mental toughness, I don’t know what is. Mission
accomplished.
